Duece Piccolo:Male Gigolo
by Lady Bowen
Summary: You got to read this! IT'S SOO FUNNY! Written by me and Sam, my brother. Piccolo is tired of 'not getten any' - (Ya know what I mean) so he becomes a gigolo to help his 'problem'


Deuce Piccolo: Male Gigolo  
  
By A.M.B and her brother Sam  
  
This is an INSANE sexual comedy story written by my brother and me.READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!  
  
SIKE! SIKE SIKE SIKE!  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Once upon a time there was Namek named Piccolo. He was a strong Z warrior who fought for the side of good but today he was angry. For what reason you may ask? You're about to find out.  
  
"Hi Piccolo!" said Gohan.  
  
"Get the fuck out of here!" he snapped.  
  
"What the hell crawled up your ass and died?" said Gohan, angrily.  
  
"That damn Ginyu frog!" Piccolo shouted in utter annoyance.  
  
"Oh. Sorry." He said. "Ass Fuck!" he thought to himself.  
  
"I'm sorry Gohan. I didn't mean to yell but.it's just that."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You got that hot chick, Videl. Goku has a one too. Even that tight-ass Vegeta got one!" he said.  
  
"And?"  
  
"I'M A VIRGIN! DAMN IT! I'VE NEVER GOTTEN ANY!" Piccolo yelled at the top of his lungs in rage. Gohan gave him a business card from a company called  
  
"Gigolos R' Us"  
  
"Are you sure this will work Gohan?"  
  
"Of course it will. How the hell do you think I bagged Videl?" he asked.  
  
"I don't know. Luck?" he asked.  
  
"No you stupid fuck! It was this place!" he shouted. Piccolo nodded and left for the company to see if they could help him with his problem.  
  
"What a fruit cup." Said Gohan.  
  
"Yeah man, what a fucking fagot, dude." Said Dende.  
  
"Stupid ass bicth tree hugger." Said Korin. The 3 of them laughed and continued to mock Piccolo  
  
15 minutes later.  
  
Piccolo landed outside the building and walked into the front door. Inside was..  
  
"BULMA? What the fuck are you doing here?"  
  
"I'm the secretary, you bunghole!" she snapped.  
  
"Oh sorry." He said. "Tight ass bitch." He thought as he walked passed. Piccolo walked to an office that said "President" on the door. Piccolo walked in.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?THERE'S A TIGHT ASS BICTH IN THAT CHAIR!!!" He shouted.  
  
"Hello Namek." Said Vegeta, smirking. He was wearing tight spandex pants and a tight shirt, both colored pink.  
  
"What in Kami's name are you doing here!?!?" he shouted.  
  
"I'm the one who owns this company! I'm the big Mac daddy at this joint!" he said. "This place be bumpin' off the hizzy!" he said, spinning his chair around. Piccolo sweatdropped.  
  
"What's your problem now?" he asked.  
  
"I'm so sad. Larry, Joe and Johnson haven't gotten any action in a long time." Said Piccolo.  
  
"Who the hell are they?"  
  
"My twig and berries, man." Piccolo said.  
  
"I'm not cacthin'" Vegeta said, putting his feet up on the desk.  
  
"You know..All that stuff.down south." He said, hanging his head in shame.  
  
"Ooooohhhhh.yeah." said Vegeta finally. Vegeta stood up and paced back and forth a bit, thinking. Then he said.  
  
"This is the first thing you gotta do. You gotta learn this song.I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle" pointing to his ass. "And here is my spout." He said pointing to his crouch.  
  
"Uh.Is that important?"  
  
".No.I just like that song." He said.  
  
"That's cause your fagot." Piccolo muttered.  
  
"HEY! At least I get some from my woman! You don't get any! Not even from that damn frog up your ass!" he shouted.  
  
"Don't go there, girlfriend." Said Goku, walking by the office.  
  
"Shut up Kakarot! You dildo head! I'm top pimp in this business!" he shouted.  
  
"Wow.You're a real dick sometimes, Vegeta." Said Piccolo.  
  
"Shut your bung hole!" shouted Vegeta. "Here put this on." He said.  
  
"What the fuck?" said Piccolo.  
  
"It's a G sting! Strip down and put that thing on!"  
  
"I'm not doing it in front of you raging homo!" He snapped.  
  
"Dude." said Goku. He made a whipping sound.  
  
"Shut up Kakarot, you little bitch!" Vegeta walked over to his closet and pulled out a long back cord.  
  
"Don't make me whip you again!" Shouted Vegeta, running for the door. Goku wailed like a prissy fagot and ran down the hall. Vegeta laughing as he ran out with his whip. Piccolo took time changing while Vegeta was gone. He waited for Vegeta and finally he came back with his shirt ripped off and he was all sweaty.  
  
"That damn Kakarot! He needs to stop acting like a pussy every time someone whips him. He wrecking my business." He said. "Follow me Piccolo."  
  
"Where are we going now?"  
  
"To your first class!" he said. Piccolo walked passed Future Trunks. He was wearing all tight black leather.  
  
"Hot stuff coming through." He said.  
  
"Shut up boy! It least my haircut doesn't look like a dick." He said. Vegeta walked into a room with Piccolo and began his lesson.  
  
"Ok the first thing you gotta do is.. Uh.uh.um." Vegeta stuttered.  
  
2 hours later.  
  
"Uh.Um.Uh.I.Er.Um." Said Vegeta.  
  
"Oh ok. Now I know what to do. Thanks Veggie-chan." He said. Vegeta blushed red and hid his face.  
  
"I love it when people call me by my pet name.especially big, strong, brave Nameks."  
  
"EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!" screamed Piccolo. He ran out of the room.  
  
"Veggie-chan." Said Goku.  
  
"Hehehehehehehehe.Stop Kakarot.I'm embarrassed." Giggled Vegeta, like a girl.  
  
1 hour later.  
  
Piccolo knocked on the door of a house for his first job. A big fat woman with stubble on all 5 of her chins opened the door.  
  
"Hello. I'm Vicnok." She said in a Swedish accent.  
  
"I'm Piccolo, your Gigolo." Then he pukes in her face.  
  
"GOD! YOUR SO FUCKING FAT!!!!!" he shouted.  
  
"Get in here!" she shouted pulling him forward.  
  
"Crap.No I'm not sleeping with this sheman. God, she's so nasty." Then he remembered what Gohan had given him before he left. Gohan had told Piccolo only to use this in an EMERGENCY. And this was a REAL emergency. The fat thing was laid out on the bed ready for him. Piccolo pulled out a capsule and pressed it. It was an inflatable image of him. He tossed it into the room and ran out the door.  
  
5 hours later.  
  
Piccolo poked his head backed in. The obese fat ass had flattened his inflatable Piccolo. He was glad he wasn't smashed under her massive weight. He was going to have to get in bed next her so she wouldn't think she had smashed him. Then he wouldn't get paid.  
  
"Piccolo.that was amazing." She said.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"How much does 5 hours cost?"  
  
"500."  
  
"Ok." She gave him her money. He got up to leave but then she said.  
  
"I'll give you another go for 500$." She said, pulling the blankets away, reviling her womanly flesh. Piccolo screamed like a girl, pulled his trousers up and ran out of the house.  
  
1 That evening.  
  
"This is the guy! This is the guy right here!" said Goku patting Piccolo on the back.  
  
"Man.I'm.spent."Said Krillin, puking  
  
"So.This your first job?" asked Yamcha, crossed eyed. He was talking to a coat rack. All of them were wasted. It had been a very successful night for Piccolo.Vegeta offered to celebrate with 'some' drinks. Krillin was now puking on the floor. Trunks was cracking up at Krillin and spilling whiskey all over the table. Goku had a cigarette in his hand and tried to smoke it but it ended up in his nose and it burned him.  
  
"Damn.I'm hammered." Snorted Goku. Trunks keep laughing his head off.  
  
"Shut up, boy.You sucks a big time ass.goblin " Stammered the drunk Vegeta.  
  
"I see dead people. drinking." said Trunks, then busted out in laughter. Yamcha took his 5th shot.  
  
"Woah, this is good shit." Said Yamcha as he threw up next to Krillin. He looked at Krillin's baldhead.  
  
"Look I can see my self.Hello Yamcha look a like guy."  
  
Vegeta and Piccolo both walked away from the group to talk. Piccolo says  
  
"Vegeta, I'm afaird I'm no longer attracted to women."  
  
"AHHHH! All right, I'll make you more attracted to them!" he spat. Vegeta picked up a Playboy magazine and handed it to him.  
  
"Here! Read this!"  
  
"No!" said Piccolo.  
  
"I said look at it!" shouted Vegeta.  
  
"NO! I don't wanna!" pouted Piccolo. He crossed his arms. "Wait a minute I have to do something."  
  
"I'll come too!" Vegeta says  
  
5 minutes later.  
  
"WERE DO I STICK IT!?!?!" Shouted Piccolo.  
  
"THAT'S THE SPOT!!! THAT'S THE SPOT!!!" Screamed Vegeta. Piccolo then takes a quarter out of his pocket and says.  
  
"IS THAT THE SPOT?!?!" As he sticks the quarter in..... the telephone.  
  
"YES, THAT'S IT!!!! DO IT!!!"  
  
"Hello.Mom?" says Piccolo.  
  
2 The next day.  
  
Vegeta walked into his office for lunch. He opened the door only to find.  
  
"KAKAROT!!! GET OUT OF MY LUNCH!!!" Shouted Vegeta.  
  
"I didn't do anything!" he said, eating out of a brown paper bag.  
  
"CAN IT, KAKAROT!!!" spat Vegeta.  
  
"Can what?" asked Goku.  
  
"YOUR MASHED POTATOES!!!" Vegeta barked.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I LIKE YOUR MASHED POTATOES!!!"  
  
"Why do want me to can them?" asked Goku, swallowing the rest of Vegeta's BLT.  
  
"JUST DO IT BEFORE I BLAST YOU!!!" He shouted.  
  
"But." Goku stammered.  
  
"DON'T MAKE MY USE MY WHIP!!!" He snapped. Goku quickly ran out of the room.  
  
10 minutes later.  
  
"UMM.Yummy.Can mashed potatoes." Said Vegeta in his sleep, drool collecting at the side of his mouth. He suddenly snapped awake.  
  
"KAKAROT!"  
  
"What now?" asked Goku.  
  
"Where are my mashed potatoes?" he demanded.  
  
"Uh.Right.behind you." said Goku. Vegeta looked around.  
  
"Were?" he asked. Goku sunk passed his door with 200 cans of mashed potatoes in his arms.  
  
"GIVE THOSE TO ME!"  
  
"NO!" Shouted Goku swallowing all of them.  
  
"NNNNNOOOOO!" Shouted Vegeta. He was going to kill Kakarot.  
  
"NO! PLEASE! DON'T HURT ME!" Goku wailed.  
  
"QUITE KAKAROT! YOU BAKA!" Shouted Vegeta. Goku looked at him and then said  
  
"Baka?" scratching his head. He then waved his arms around like a chicken saying  
  
"Baka, Baka, Baka!" Vegeta fell over as Goku ran down the hall saying "BAKA BAKA BAKA!"  
  
"This is the last straw. I'll get you Kakarot." Vegeta snarled angrily.  
  
3 Later that day.  
  
Vegeta walked in to the cafeteria. "Good only Kakrot's in here!"  
  
Vegeta walked up to Goku and noticed how much butter he was putting on his rolls. That gave Vegeta a sneaky idea.  
  
"Kakarot!"  
  
"AH! Vegeta!"  
  
"I dare you to.um.eat that stick of butter!"  
  
"What will you give me if I do? He asked.  
  
"Uh.I'll give.you.uh.5 dollars!"  
  
"Ok!" Goku said. He swallowed the whole stick. Then he grabbed his chest and started screaming!  
  
"AHHH! MY HEART!" He shouted falling to the ground.  
  
"Oh no.Now I'll have to give him.dare I think it.mouth to mouth." Vegeta thought his face contorted in a grimace of utter disgust. "Ewwwwwww!" he shuddered.  
  
"Oh what a minute.I finally defeated him! HAHAHAHAHA!" Vegeta laughed. Piccolo then walked by the door shaking his ass singing.  
  
"I don't think your ready for this jelly!" Piccolo then walked away. Then all the others except for Goku and Vegeta began to sing it in a cha-cha line.  
  
"I don't think your ready for this jelly! I don't think your ready for this jelly!"  
  
2 hours later.  
  
Trunks was in the shower, singing to the radio. His favorite song was on.  
  
"Opps! I did it again, I played with your heart.." He sang. The door opened with a squeak. A dark figure walked slowly to the curtain. An object raised in his hand. He pulled the curtain aside and Trunks screamed.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY SHOWER!?!?!?!?!" Vegeta shouted. He began to "stab" him with.a stick of butter!  
  
"No! Now I'm dirty again! AAAHHHHH!" Shouted Trunks. Vegeta laughed like a lunatic when all of a sudden the music from Psycho started playing.  
  
"Where the hell did that music come from?" said Trunks. Vegeta shrugged and left the room to continue his gruesome murders..SIKE!.SIKE SIKE SIKE!  
  
4  
  
5  
  
6 That night.  
  
That night the Z warriors gathered in the lounge room to play poker. Piccolo and the others sat in the room together, playing poker. All of a sudden, Piccolo said  
  
"Uh.Guys.I didn't come here to play poker you know. I came to announce my retirement and I'm pregnant." DUN DUN DUN!!! Every one gasped and Goku fainted.  
  
Trunks said,  
  
"Were the hell did that music come from?"  
  
"You can't quit! Your fired!" said Vegeta. Then the Kool- Aid guy, breaks thought the wall and shouted.  
  
"OH yeah!" Then everyone looked at him and he slowly backed away uneasy and then he turned and ran.  
  
And finally.  
  
Piccolo returned to the lookout and talked with Gohan.  
  
"Gohan, I've decided not to date anymore. From now on.I'M A SWINGN' BACHELOR BABY! YEAH!" Piccolo shouted.  
  
"What ever you want Piccolo, it's fine with me." Gohan said. Piccolo then walked off to resume his life of solitary training at the lookout.  
  
"Prissy fagot." Gohan muttered.  
  
"Fruit cup." Said Dende  
  
"Pussy little bitch." Trunks said.  
  
"Numb nuts." Vegeta smirked.  
  
"BAKA BAKA BAKA!" Goku laughed. Everyone laughed and continued to mock Piccolo once again. Thus life returned to normal for the Z warriors. This is why Piccolo is single and remains single to this day.  
  
The End.or is it? .....Yeah, I'm sure. It's the end. 


End file.
